The Importance of Praying with your Spouse

June is the month of weddings and I love it! I’ve always been a sucker for romance, but it gets especially bad during this time of year when we get to join in the celebrations of so many of our friends as they tie the knot. In fact, just last weekend we witnessed a couple of our friends get married and it was a truly amazing wedding.

Mr. Charming and I have been married for almost three years now and have felt extremely blessed and joyful in our marriage. We aren’t perfect and some days are a little more difficult than others, but the overall condition of our lives together is fantastic. Having an awesome marriage doesn’t happen on accident, though. Much work and maintenance need to go into a marriage to keep it healthy and thriving. While the list of things we need to do together to stay strong is almost endless, there is one thing that I believe is the ultimate key to marital success and that is prayer.

In this month of joyful weddings and vows, I wanted to share about the importance of praying with your spouse because while the wedding is just one day, the marriage is what should last a lifetime.

Why is it so beneficial to pray with our spouse? Mr. Charming and I had a really great start at this from the moment we were engaged. No matter where we were or what we were doing we would call each other up to end the day in a prayer. We kept the habit up once we were married and have seen first hand the good it does.

A Marriage of Three

The first benefit is that it gives you a time to bring God into the midst of your relationship. Marriage is not a joining of two people together as most believe, but it is a union of three: the husband, wife, and God. God’s intention for marriage is that it glorifies Himself and teaches us of His love and plan for us (Ephesians 5:25-27, Revelation 19:7-9). We work so hard to fix or enhance our relationships with each other and then live separate spiritual lives, when we should come into the Throne room together to have fellowship and communion with the Third member of the marriage: Jesus Christ.

Perspective

While you are there, speaking with God as a couple, you will find the next benefit of praying together: perspective. We often get so caught up in the work and emotion and drama of the day that we lose our sense of perspective. When you pray together and open your eyes to see your current circumstances with the lense of heaven, you’ll realize that God has everything under control, you don’t have to worry, and you don’t need to fight. Getting that close to heaven by praying with your spouse makes you want to live like it’s your last day on earth.

Communication

Mr. Charming is a wonderful man. He is tall, dark, and handsome and definitely the “strong, silent” type. (did you notice the emphasis on silent?) He isn’t a talker. We are complete opposites in that way, which is totally awesome, but it can be really hard to know what he is thinking and where he stands on things. That is why praying together is so great for us. When we are kneeling before God, it’s so much easier to speak out loud the thanks and concerns you are having. It’s an amazing opportunity for me to see my husband’s heart in a way that is incredibly honest and vice versa for him. To me, this is the most productive form of communication in repairing and growing a marriage.

Accountability

I go through a lot of ups and downs when it comes to my spiritual life. I really don’t like that I haven’t always been steady and consistent in my Bible reading and prayer, but it’s true. And, while I’m working hard to serve and connect with God, the most helpful thing is the accountability I have with Mr. Charming. If I’ve had a bad day and act like the petulant child I too often resort to by refusing to obey and love our Father, that nightly routine of kneeling down to pray gives me a well deserved dose of accountability. Which is an awesome thing.

Hey, we are in this battle against Satan together, but we sure don’t act like it sometimes. By praying together every night, we are helping to dress our spouse in the armor needed to fight through the next day as they do the same for you.

Praying for your kids

There is nothing more precious to both Brian and I than our son. We want so many good things for him: to grow to follow Jesus, to be a man of integrity, to be successful, to be kind, to be good at sports and music, to have friends, and so on and so forth. We’ve realized, though, that we have almost no power over these things! But, we know a God who does and is just as crazy about Jordan as we are. There is nothing more relieving and wonderful than to be able to trust our children’s health, happiness and futures in the hands of an omnipotent and sovereign ruler.

That, and it’s really fun to talk about your kids to God. I love when the three of us basically have a brag fest of how amazing our son is. Praying for your kids with your spouse every night is a really great practice to get into.

Helpful Tips

I’m so sorry this is such a long post, but bare with me because this stuff is really important. We’ve gone over the “why”, now I want to share some practical tips on the “how” of implementing this habit. These are things that have helped us stick with it in the past.

1. Do it before bed when you are (almost) always going to be together and there aren’t any distractions.
2. Physically kneel down. When you are super tired, it’s really hard not to doze off if you are laying in bed while praying. Plus it make the habit easier to form when your body is used to doing something. Oh, and it’s a much more respectful way to come before the King.
3. Keep a notebook of prayer needs by the bedside table
4. Each of you say a prayer, not just one.
5. Don’t make it too long. A short prayer each is totally fine when you are exhausted. The point is that you do it every time so that when there is a need to really pour your needs out to the Lord, you will already have the habit formed.
6. Remind and encourage each other. This is that accountability thing, but I always love having the assurance that if I forget, there is another (more reliable) mind to remind me.
7. Make it a habit. I think you have to do something 7 times for something to become a habit. Regardless of the number, consistency is key. Don’t take breaks, don’t let it go for a few days; do it every night no matter what. Yeah, I know it’s hard sometimes, but guys and gals, this is worth it!

Whether you are just beginning your marriage in this beautiful month of June, or whether you’ve been together for 3, 5, 25, or 50 years, do the one thing that will make your marriage incredible and pray together. This simple, 5 minute a day habit will give you the opportunity to connect with the third member of your marriage, God, give you an incredible dose of perspective, help you communicate with each other in an honest way, help you hold each other accountable, and will give you the chance to pray for your kids. The best part is, it doesn’t take much to form the habit. Just make sure you set a specific time, probably before bed, kneel down, keep it short, remind each other, and do it consistently.

God loves marriage! It’s evident all over in His book, and a marriage that honors and glorifies Him will definitely be blessed incredibly much. Whether you are struggling or having the time of your life, there is no reason why you shouldn’t be thanking and speaking to Him as a couple on a regular basis. You owe it to Him to pray, after all, he did bring you to your Prince and Princess charming didn’t He?