How Giving Up Control was the Best Thing I’ve Ever Done

This is a message to woman like me. It is the lesson I wished I knew when I was young and single, so I am giving this message to the girls who are coming of age and dreaming and anxious about their futures. It is a lesson I learned the hard way when I was engaged, so I am sharing it to those women who have all the high expectations of marriage. It is a lesson I am continuing to fall back to every day of my married life, so I tell it to you, who have enjoyed life with a spouse, but have worries and fears that come with reality.

It’s funny how, in life, there are times when the correct reaction or emotion is the exact opposite of what you would think. An example of this is the “lesson” I was referring to. We come up to so many HUGE decisions and scary circumstances in life, like marriage and financial struggles, and our gut reaction is to charge in, take that bull by the horns, and force things to go the right way on our own. We don’t often do a good job of fixing things on our own, though, do we. It is in those times that are monumental and could change the course of our lives forever, that the best thing to do is to actually give up the control.
What? Crazy person over here! If I let go of the steering wheel, I’m guaranteed to crash.
Try to hear me out, because I’ve put this idea into practice a few times in my life and it works every time. Let’s sit down with a cup of coffee and I will share how giving up control was the best thing I’ve ever done.
When I was young and single, I dreamed of marriage. It was my highest goal and achievement to strive for and I just knew that when it came, I would be the happiest person alive. This became a great struggle for me as a young Christian because I knew I needed to be giving my full devotion to God, rather than these silly daydreams. I had suppressed those feelings quite well once I entered college and had set up a great amount of boundaries that would protect me from falling into the routine of having trivial crushes on different guys every week just because they looked my way once.

Then Brian came along and obliterated every one of those barriers. Not because he flirted with me or pursued me, but because I saw his heart for God. I told myself over and over it was just a crush, I need to get over him, and God will bring me a husband someday, but I have to stay focused in the mean time. As our friend groups began to meld and I saw more and more of him, none of my defenses worked. For nine months I loved him, but had no idea if he had feelings for me.

It was the not knowing that drove me crazy. I hated the guessing of if he actually glanced at me, if he came to an event because I was there, if he was talking to me as a friend or something more. I wanted so badly to just tell him how I felt and ask if he felt the same, but the impropriety of that would always hold me back.
Then, one day, I was driving and complaining to God about the situation when a thought came into my head like the booming voice of God saying, “Give me your heart and your future.” I couldn’t do that! I couldn’t just give up on Brian and give it up to God. “What if you decide he isn’t for me, God?” I shouted to the windshield. Hot tears were stinging my eyes. “How could I just give Brian to you and trust that you won’t change everything?” But, I knew that, though it felt extremely reckless, I had to give up control of my future and give God my heart.

A very short time after that Brian proposed to me and I said yes. I gave God control and he was honored by my trust in Him. He gave me the best thing that ever happened in my life and that is my husband today.
So, to the girls who are single and lonely and dreaming of a husband, give your heart to God. He may not give you exactly what you expected, but he will give you fullness and joy unspeakable.
The lesson does not end here, however, and I apologize for such a lengthy post.
Being engaged is a time of great joy and stress. As we were allowed for the first time to express and develop our feelings for each other, we found that this was actually a very difficult time. We heard the warnings of those that are so much wiser that the temptation will be to spend all our time together, to stay up late, to push physical boundaries, but to be very cautious not to do anything you will regret on your wedding day.

Human nature wants to say, “why not? you will be married soon any way”, but God was constantly reminding us to let Him be our guide on how far to go physically, to give Him the control as a new couple, and we headed his command. On the day we approached the altar to be wed, we came as two who would experience many wonderful things for the first time together, which isn’t something many in our culture understand or enjoy.

It wasn’t easy to give up control on the speed at which we allowed our physical relationship to develop when we were engaged, but I am so thankful we did. If you are engaged, please, have a conversation with your future husband about taking this time to grow an intimate relationship that is founded on more than passion.
I beg you to continue reading, as this, once again, is not the end of the lesson on how giving up control was the best thing I’ve ever done.
We were happily married on July 1st, 2012 (yes, today is our anniversary), and we settled into learning how to live together and life was good. Brian was finishing his last semester of college to become a Physical Education teacher and I was just starting my new career as a Physical Therapist’s Assistant. As graduation approached we began looking for schools that were hiring P.E. teachers and were dismayed at the lack of jobs and high competition.

On top of that, Brian was having second thoughts on if this was the right career for him after all. Suddenly our two bedroom apartment was feeling extremely small, but if Brian never got a decent job we would never be able to move out. Suddenly I wanted kids so badly, but if Brian’s income was so small we could never afford them. I felt so much despair at the situation and tried desperately to think of ways to rectify it. I could fight with Brian and beg him to at least give teaching a try. I could make phone calls to schools to try to find him a job on my own.
I continued down crazy road for a little while as reality told me we were going to have a hard time at life for the next five, ten, fifteen years, but I remembered when I was single and I did what I did then. I gave up control of our future and Brian’s career. The results were not instant, besides the feeling of peace that I had knowing I could trust God, however, over time we found ourselves on a path that has been even more exciting and rewarding than teaching would have been.

Brian found work with an Electrical company and is truly happy there. We were able to buy a home and move out of the apartment. We have an amazing son that is growing every day and has blessed us so greatly. We gave up control of our lives and God, as if showing off how good He can be to His children has lavished us with gifts beyond comprehension that were totally unexpected.
I know real life can be really scary and hard at times, but ladies, we don’t have to carry those burdens on our shoulders! We can give up the fight for our futures and security! We can allow ourselves to trust and forgive! It seems like the exact opposite thing of what we should be doing, but it is the right thing.